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It only takes 32 minutes to have a great marriage

Hand in hand the bride and groom walk off into the sunset to live a wonderful, stress free and inspired marriage, without a care in the world. It may happen in the movies, but it doesn’t happen to too many people that I know, the reality is that having a happy marriage takes effort, every day.

How much effort? Exactly 32 minutes!* Let me explain ….

  • Partings. Before you leave each other in the morning, make sure you know one interesting or important thing that is happening in your partner’s day (and make sure to ask them about it later too!). That should take about 2 minutes every day.
  • Reunions. Take ten minutes to let your partner know about your day, the good and the bad stuff. Take turns speaking and listening empathetically. This is a time to be supportive, not to problem solve. 20 minutes every day.
  • Compliments and gratitude. Notice a few things that your partner is doing right to focus you on how great they are, and spend 5 minutes sharing with each other.
  • Physical affection. Respectful, sensual, sexual and playful touching is good for every marriage and don’t forget to kiss good night. 5 minutes.

All this should take 32 minutes and you will be well on your way to staying connected. The final two parts are to make sure you have a designated time for dating and arguing. A couple of hours a week to get out the house and spend some “together” time doing something fun – just being friends. Finally give yourselves a twenty minute marriage enhancement meeting; this is your time to bring up those difficult topics you have been avoiding all week.

Give a try and let me know how it goes.

*Based on The Magic Five Hours from Prof. John Gottman.

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