If your marriage was a sport, what sport would it be?

Maybe sometimes your marriage feels like a boxing match, both of you are trying to land the first or the last blow, and the last one standing wins. Sometimes it may be more of an iron-man endurance contest and you have to will yourself into the next day, and sometimes it is a plain old tug-of-war and you feel out of control.

The truth is marriage has a lot of similarities to a sporting contest, but you can only win this one if the two of you are on the same team. Think more synchronized swimming or ballroom dancing than mixed martial arts.

Often when we are communicating we are working really hard to convince out partners that we are right. We banter back and forth about the issue waiting for the moment when you can prove that you are right, and win. Some what like a game of tennis with a good rally. Plenty of pace and movement just waiting for the moment to smash home the winning shot, and when you hit that winner, game, set and match and it feels great – the winner.

Communication in a marriage should be more like playing with a hackey sack. The idea of that game is to work together to keep the ball off the ground, there are no winners or losers, the goal is simply to keep the ball in play. Good communication is about keeping the conversation going, paying attention to what the other person is saying and not worrying about who gets the last touch (or word) in. (Based on an idea from Andy Greendorfer)

In your marriage you only win when the team wins, so for a long, fun and loved filled game of marital communication, remember that you are on the same team.

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