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The Child Centered Marriage

Marriage is a major life transition from a “me” centered life to an “us” centered life, successfully negotiating those early years goes a long way towards building a lasting and rewarding relationship. It is no wonder that the Torah tells newly marrieds to dedicate (about) one year just on creating the foundation.

But when your happy twosome becomes a crying, spitting up, demanding threesome, a whole new transition takes place. The “me & you” happy family that you created now becomes a “me, you, him/her” happy family. Transitioning to coupledom to familydom for many is a bigger challenge than marrying.

With many of the couples I talk to the problems begin when the new child starts to take over your life, your routine and especially your bed. Showering your child(ren) with love is your duty and your pleasure, ignoring your spouse to do it is a crime. Loving parents have loving boundaries, where the closest relationship continues to be with the spouse.

Couples often tell me that they have no time for each other because they cannot leave the house to enjoy some togherthness time. Your kid will survive with a babysitter once in a while, will your marriage? When you stop doing things that you enjoy together your level of friendship and positivity to each other can really suffer.

If you have kids or when you do have kids, you will undoubtedly experience, what is technically known as the exhausted parent stage. This is made up of babies waking all hours of the night, toddlers in your bed and children that think 5.30am is a lie-in. When you are exhausted EVERYTHING seems worse, bigger and more disastrous, minor irritations become cataclysmic events. My observation from the many many young families that we know, is that being on top of your kids sleeping is one of the best investments you can make in your kids future, because it will give you and your spouse, the time and space to be a loving intimate married couple, not just parents.

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