Are You Lying To Me?

Learning to be a good liar is a very important skill in a marriage! But, when I say a “good” liar, I don’t mean that you are skilled at spinning in intricate web to disguise your misbehavior which will never become unraveled. In marriage you can be good by lying at the right time.

True, the Torah tells us to make every effort to avoid falsehood, but it also true that the Torah tells us to make every effort to create peace, and the state of completeness that we experience when we live in peace is paramount. So sometimes the Torah approves of a lie to promote peace and harmony. (Consult with your rabbi for exact details.)

When you are asked, “Hey honey, how does this shirt/dress look?” and you are already running late, you are probably not be asked for an academic assessment of the suitability of spots and stripes. You are being asked for reassurement and to give a compliment.

When you see a friend and s/he asks, “What do you think of my haircut, I went to this great, expensive place across town?” If you answer, “it’s a little short” or “it makes you look old”, you might not be friends for much longer! They can’t make it grow, but you can make them feel good.

Knowing when there is more harm than good in telling the truth is an important skill to master. By being aware of what you are really being asked you can take care to say the right thing.

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