Need Accommodation?

When a marriage goes well it is the source of unending pleasure, support and love. But, it doesn’t just happen by itself, you have to create it.

One of the biggest keys to unlocking the door to intimacy is, accommodation. No, not where you live, learning to accommodate to each others ways of doing things. If marriage is a union between a man who cant sleep with the window closed and a woman who cant sleep with it open, accommodation is the process of working out a compromise.

All relationships begin with a period of change. Sometimes we actively work together to find what works for both of us, but accommodation is also a process of automatic mutual adjustment, much of which goes on outside of awareness. Either way, it HAS to happen.

Deciding to share your days and nights and future with someone else means being willing to adapt and adjust to achieve harmony. It means being prepared to accommodate to each other in large and small routines. Some things are easy. He learns to accommodate to her wish to be kissed hello and good- bye. She learns to leave him alone with his paper and morning coffee. When you don’t learn to accommodate, you are teaching yourself resentment and frustration.

It is these little arrangements that cement a couple into a unit, hopefully they happen easily, but if not you may find them happening with intense struggle. Everyone has areas of inflexibility, and usually we are blind to our own rigidity. You may be so aware of giving in on some issues that you don’t realize how inflexible you are to the little occasions of life. You may have moved cities and changed jobs to marry, but can’t let your other pick which direction to walk in, or what restaurant to go to. You may cook or  put up with people you don’t like in order to please your other, but still be jealous when they do anything without you, even just sitting quietly with a book.

If you’re doing it already, great! Keep going. If you are butting heads about the little things in life, take some time to thing of ways YOU can be more accommodating.

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