Set Your Spouse Up for Success

Woah!!!!!! I really learnt a lot this week.

This is what happened: it was dinner time in the Shenker household and Motti turned to me and said, “Sharon, I just wanted to give you a heads up that the 8th of Kislev (Hebrew month) is coming up in a few days.” I said, “Okaaaay..?” (I’m not so clued in to the Jewish calendar!) then he said, “That’s my birthday.” I was so grateful that he let me know because both he and I knew I would have forgotten.

For some reason, we seem to test our spouses love for us, “if they really loved me or if I was truly important to them then they would remember.” Whether it’s a birthday, Valentine’s Day, a meeting, a gift we are expecting or a suggestion for a date night or romantic getaway, we wait and see if they will perform.

Rather than setting your spouse up for failure and then making them suffer the quiet or loud disappointment, help them out. Recognize that you have an unexpressed expectation that you are waiting for them to live up to, but your spouse has a different make-up!

It doesn’t matter if we are talking about the amount of fuss made about a birthday, your definition of romance, the need for quality time, touch, gifts or intimacy, the expectation that he/she will notice your new dress, suit or haircut (and tell you how great you look), it’s not fair to expect her to be a mind reader or expect him to have seen the movie pretty woman or even know what a white horse is.

This week stop waiting and give to your spouse by teaching them how to love you. Once expressed, your spouse is not obligated to follow through on a suggestion but if they do it is an expression of love and giving. Just because you had to ask for something, it in no way diminishes any kindness received.

Set your spouse up for success this week.

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