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The Secrets of MY Successful Marriage – Part 2

This week Sharon has written her top five ideas that have helped us to have the wonderful ten year marriage that we have had so far.

It is not 50/50. Being married is not the same as having a business partner. My marriage will succeed only if I make 100% of the effort that is needed. Rabbi Pliskin says that we need to live in the present by asking ourselves questions such as “what can I do now to make a happy atmosphere in my home”. Ask the question everyday what does my partner and our marriage need me to do today?

My Emotional State is not his fault. We have to stop blaming people, things or situations for the way I act or feel. We have to take responsibility instead of blaming. We can not blame our spouses for our moods, you are the only one responsible for the way that you feel and the way that you respond.

It is possible to do the same task in two completely different ways. There are other acceptable ways of doing most things that are not my way and achieve a similar result. It could be cutting vegetables, taking the kids out without a fully stocked diaper bag or shopping for groceries, if they do it a different way, the world will not come to an end. When you micro-manage you are showing a lack of respect for their abilities or intelligence, let it go and swallow your ego.

See Gd’s guiding hand in your life. We like to feel that we are in control of our lives and that we have the right to plan for ourselves what is going to happen next. Living a life of expectations leads to a life of disappointment, stress and aggravation which are all extremely destructive to a marriage. Instead we need to live a life knowing that whatever Gd sends our way is the best thing that could happen to us. See the unexpected as a challenge to use to grow together.

Give in a way that will be received. Learn to be sensitive to the specific needs of your partner. We are not all the same, to some people roses say “I love you” to others they say “a bunch of weeds”. Don’t be trapped into thinking that what you need from your spouse is what they need from you.

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