The Jewish approach to all relationships is that we have to teach ourselves to love our friends / neighbors / co-workers, and even in-laws, like we love ourselves. But if you can’t do it in your marriage, then the rest is worth very little.

We speak to each other all of the time, think for a moment, how do you like to be spoken to?

gently or harshly

softly or loudly

with support or with sarcasm

patiently or intolerantly

When you express how you are feeling to your spouse, what kind of response would you like to receive?

dismissive or caring

criticized or supported

ridiculed or understood

mocked or loved

If you have planned to spend some time together, would you expect your partner to …?

be on time or be late

forget or remember

turn up tired or find energy for you

be distracted or be attentive

We crave love, support and validation from our partners, it’s their job! They are supposed to be taking care of my every need, emotion and desire (even before I know I have them). When they fail to live up to that standard you might even find yourself getting depressed or angry.

If it is your right in your marriage, then it is theirs too. Your job is to make them feel as cherished, special, important, desired, cared for and respected as you would like to be … all of the time.