Marital Mind Reading – A Love Hate Relationship

“S/He should have known that I wanted to leave here 30 minutes ago, s/he doesn’t care what I want.”

Wow !!

Let’s unravel that destructive thought process. First, our imaginary friend is telling themselves that their partner should have read my mind and been more sensitive to me. If that wasn’t bad enough, part two says, but I know what s/he is thinking and they are only thinking of themselves.

We want our partners to read our minds when it is to our benefit. For example, you might say to yourself, “He should know that I also wanted a cup of coffee when he got one for himself, I shouldn’t have to tell him – we’re married!” Or, “She should have known that I made dinner reservations for our anniversary and hired a babysitter.”

Sadly and frequently we make the mistake of wanting our partners to read our minds, but we forget that they are only human and don’t know how to. Take responsibility for your marriage and speak up to express your thoughts, needs, emotions or desires.

On the other hand we HATE IT when our partners mind read and tell us what we are thinking, especially when they tell us we are thinking badly about them. After a few years of marriage we usually know what is coming next and we can even finish each others sentences. But we don’tknow what they are thinking.

It is upsetting, condescending and annoying to be told what you are thinking and most of the time the mind-read is wrong anyway. Solution: ask before you assume, you could even say, “I noticed XXXXX and before I jump to any conclusions can you tell me what you were thinking please.”

If you want to be a mind reader, get a crystal ball. If you want to protect, nurture and have you relationship flourish, speak up and don’t rely on mind games.

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