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Be Open And Be Successful

One of the biggest reasons that people don’t achieve the fullest potential in their marriages, is because they bottle up their feelings. They pretend that what just happened was no-big-deal – but it REALLY was.

When you are hurt you need to express it, otherwise resentment, anger and distance grows develops between the two of you. You need to manager your hurt by expressing it in the right way.

Everyone pushes things under the carpet for the fear of having one of those difficult conversations. But, if everything goes under the carpet the bump in the middle of the room gets bigger and bigger until you trip and go flying.

When you are hurt you need to express yourself. Use your emotional intelligence to know when and how to communicate as soon as possible but in a way that does not attack, criticize or put down your partner.

Here are a few tips on how to do this:

  1. Commit to having a weekly Family Business Meeting (FBM). This is a time that you dedicate to talking about things that directly affect your relationship. By setting a weekly time, the upsetting event is never too far in the past, and you don’t have to handcuff your partner to a chair to make sure you have their attention.
  1. Take time to calm yourself and figure out what is really going on inside your head. Great ways to calm yourself include; walking the dog, meditation, controlled breathing or simply sitting alone with a cup of coffee.
  1. Consider using active listening skills (also know as the Speaker-Listener Technique) at your FBM to ensure that you focus on your perspective of the issue. This style of talking can feel unnatural but helps create a safe environment and avoids a conflict escalating. (Gd willing we will talk more about this in the future.)
  1. Be prepared to listen, not just to hear the words that are coming towards you. Hold your tongue and wait for your turn to speak. You don’t have to agree but you do have to understand and empathize with their take on the subject.

Be open and be successful.

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