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Similarity = Compatibility … or does it?

Couples often think that they have to like and do the same things as each other if they are going to stay together happily, or they will just drift apart and fall out or love. In other words it is what you have in common that will keep you together.

Even “eHarmony” matches you over 29 dimensions of compatibility. Do they have the secret of a good relationship?

We don’t think so. We actually made a list once of all the things that we had in common, from taste in food and music, to ways of spending our free time, to the types of books that we like to read. To be honest it was a very short list, but we are ten years married and loving every minute. And the truth is couples who are set up on websites based on shared interests don’t do any better than anyone else.

If we married ourselves there would be no room to develop as a human being. We would never have the opportunity to learn how to be selfless, humble, giving, supportive or communicative, all traits that bring us closer to our husbands / wives and to Gd. We have to be on the same path and have similar goals but our favorite flavor of ice cream is not what keeps us together.

So what is it that keeps a couple together?

There is no short answer but here are a few quick tips:

  • Express yourself so your partner knows what you are thinking (they can NOT mind read).
  • Be ready to listen. When YOU show that you care THEY will feel supported and loved.
  • Understand that you are a team and together you can overcome any quarrel, difficulty or challenge.
  • Be a giver (and not a taker).
  • Have fun together. Go wild once a while and do something just for the heck of it.

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