Let It Go

Letting go lets you go free. Bearing a grudge drags you down and messes with the most important relationships you have.

You can do it, and it is a mitzvah (commandment) too.

Everyone messes up and everyone (even me and you) has flaws or annoying habits. Accepting them and moving on is one of the great secrets to a successful marriage.

When we get upset, most of the time we just need to let it go. Especially if there has already been an apology. Stop keeping that list of mistakes to be used as a weapon in the future. OK! So she/he doesn’t remember the first time you met, or whatever it is that drives you crazy.

You need to be able to move past the event. Our constant reminders are probably worse than the original sin. But how do we do it? How can we let go?

1. Be the first to apologize. Don’t brood, don’t be resentful, don’t be a martyr and don’t worry about who is right.

2. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Most things are not even worth noticing, let alone fighting over. Sometimes you will have to talk about it but choose your battles well.

3. Focus on the credit in your emotional bank account. All the acts of kindness and caring from your spouse over the years are not wiped out by one (or two) acts of thoughtlessness.

4. Accept your spouse’s (or friend’s –this applies to friends as well) limitations.

5. Look at yourself first and judge favorably. Many of our grudges result from oversensitivity. Are they ignoring you, or are they simply preoccupied?

6. Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you anyway.

Letting go frees us. We can exhale and breathe again. It opens us up to more profound experiences and deeper relationships. Give it a try.

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