Do You NAG !?!?

Lets define … do you constantly suggest or remind your spouse to do something?  Women nag about things they want their husband to do, and men are usually ‘after the fact’ naggers, telling their wives that they spent to much, or they were not friendly to his mother!

Nagging usually happens when we have a higher standard than our spouses, in anything from cleanliness to manners, from exercise to romance. But … it is really a veiled form of criticism and communicates that you don’t trust them to take care of things on their own.

Nagging never works anyway, which is exactly why you have to keep nagging to get them to do it. Nagging builds up a resistance to your demands. Men react by tuning out, he might nod or smile but he switched off because he knows the script already.

So how can I get them to do the things I am nagging about??! One answer is to encourage. It’s a far bigger motivator than nagging! Encourage is to inspire courage, but you can only support them to do something that they want to do themselves. The beauty and greatness of marriage is that you are living with another adult who is also making their own freewill decisions.

Another way is to show him/her the rewards of doing what you are asking for by expressing your appreciation and gratitude. The more someone likes you, the more they will do the things that make you happy. The more pleasantly you speak the greater the chance you will be heard.

It seems to me that the things we nag about are connected to expectations. How they will always be on time, take their ‘fair’ share of the chores, know how to be perfect, be more affectionate or always look gorgeous. So the next time you are disappointed and ready to nag, realize you had an expectation. Check if it is reasonable and express it through requests rather than demands to build intimacy rather than resistance!

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