Don’t Blame … Take Responsibilty

We live in a world of blame. We blame the spouse for a bad day, the traffic for being late, and computer games for overweight children. In our world of blame, a packet of peanuts must clearly say, ‘may contain nuts’, and hot drink cups say, ‘caution: contents may be hot’, because rather than take responsibility, we sue manufacturers. Each person blames the other for problems in the relationship.

When you blame, you see the fault in another person and attach negativity to that person. 80% of the negativity you feel towards your spouse has to do with blaming them for X, Y, or Z. Imagine walking around without any negativity. It takes away the heavy baggage. We’re the people who end up being the victim through our own blame. Being right is pleasurable, and we want to blame because it means we are right.

Steven Covey in his ‘7 Habits’ books, defines “responsibility” as having the “ability to choose your response.” Responsible people do not blame circumstances, conditioning, or conditions for their behavior. Response able means constantly choosing how you react to your spouse.

Rabbi Pliskin says you can take responsibility by asking the question, “What can I do now to create a joyful atmosphere in my home?” The two important words are “I” and “do.” In your relationship, instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you have to learn how to do this through your own thoughts and actions. Instead of getting angry at your partner for feeling rejected when they are late, not listening, or preoccupied, explore your own feelings and be response able. Take 100% responsibility for yourself and ask “what can I do now to…”

When you point your finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at you!

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